


First Kiss

by tatertotarmy



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8249273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertotarmy/pseuds/tatertotarmy
Summary: To say that Natsume had never been in a relationship before would be a lie. A very late entry to Tumblr's Natsume Week.





	

_“You know, you’re pretty for a crazy guy.”_

_Natsume’s eyes lulled open from a long sleep during class to see the brown, glassy eyes of one of the girls in class. Her name, he couldn’t for the life of him remember it. He had only recently transferred from one alcoholic’s den to a distant uncle who forgot to feed him the previous night. And the days he had spent in school since the move were hazy. There was a youkai in the walls of his uncle’s apartment that would stare at him from midnight to dawn. It was hard to sleep._

_“Why are you just staring at me?” the girl asked, huffing as she leaned forward on his desk until her breath touched his nose, “I just paid you a compliment, Takashi.”_

_“Oh…” Natsume spoke, immediately sitting up and leaning back in his chair to get distance from her, “S…Sorry…”_

_The girl giggled, her pale skin flushing red for a small moment as she looked at him, “So are the rumors true? That you’re crazy?”_

_So the rumors had already come to the school._

_Natsume looked down, not sure what to say to her. He was used to the rumors being spread like wildfire, either from the gossiping teachers or the students who caught him while he was running from youkai. However, they were always in hushed whispers in the shadows of the school, only emerging whenever someone wanted to hurt him. And when Natsume turned sixteen, he realized that the hurt came more from words than violence, as it usually came as a child._

_“I’m…not sure what you mean,” Natsume denied with a hesitant voice, quiet and hushed in his corner of the classroom. Thankfully, everyone else in the room was ignoring the conversation._

_She twirled a black strand of hair in her hands, “What? Aren’t you that Natsume Takashi who sees things? I heard the teachers talking about you. Unless…there’s another transfer by your name. I was wondering why the teachers never woke you up in class.”_

_He looked down to his desk. The peace was sure to end, now._

_“Well…maybe there is another Takashi walking around…” the girl sighed, sitting up to rest her head in her hands, staring right at Natsume with unreadable eyes, “But don’t worry. I don’t think anyone else knows about the other Takashi.”_

_“Why bring it up, then?” Natsume was beginning to feel uncomfortable in his skin, making sure his eyes never met hers._

_She pulled out a piece of paper from her lap and slid it across the desk, “Let’s talk, Takashi. Meet me in the woods after school, the ones right across from the front gate.”_

_Natsume nodded. She gave a triumphant smile before walking back to her desk in the back of the classroom, not far from his. He slowly opened the slip of paper. The only thing written was ‘Nina’. Her name._

_The longer the day went on, the number he grew to the situation. Whatever he thought of was something he had experienced before. He wasn’t entirely afraid of his uncle being told, as he just pretended Natsume didn’t exist anyway. He could calculate just what the other students would do, and he had a feeling that Nina would try to blackmail him for something in exchange of not being bullied. But the words didn’t hurt him anymore._

_He was a freak, anyway. Nobody in his family wanted him, even when they had to take him in. Why should those at school think differently?_

_But something in her eyes frightened her, like she was seeing him in a different light than everyone else. Instead of seeing him as the transfer Natsume or the freak Natsume…she saw a different Natsume. It was strange, and despite his numbness it felt like he was on the precipice, ready to fall._

_And the fact that he couldn’t predict what that precipice was after all his years frightened him._

_Though despite it all, he walked into the shallow edges of the woods after school, thinking that at the very least, a delay would help his uncle remember to put food out for him when he opened the door. Switches in routine helped that._

_“Oh, Takashi! I’m surprised you actually came!” Nina called out. She had been sitting on a stump in a small clearing, reading a manga that he didn’t recognize. He looked at her with dull eyes._

_“What did you want?” he asked. She walked towards him, abandoning her bag and book by the stump to stand dangerously close to him, until her chest was inches away from his._

_Nina grinned, looking up at him and seemingly not caring about the way he backed away for more distance, “Takashi…you’re pretty handsome, you know.” She only took steps matching his own to keep the distance uncomfortably close, looking at him with weird eyes. What did that look even mean? He felt uncomfortable, like something was pressing down on his insides._

_“W-What does that even mean? What do you want?” Natsume spoke, backing up until his back pressed against the tree._

_“What I’m saying…as a crazy guy, you’re a waste of a man, Takashi,” Nina closed the distance until he could feel her heat hovering above his clothes, “I think you’re beautiful…and I’m sure that you haven’t had any experience with women. I think we could do each other a favor.”_

_She reached up towards his face, and he immediately grabbed her hand before she could touch his skin, “I’m not interested. I don’t care if you spread the rumor.” He felt uncomfortable with her so close. Her eyes were dilated, her skin was flushed a little red just being this close to him, and she didn’t once flinch when he denied her._

_“Oh, but I wasn’t planning on telling anyone,” Nina spoke, giggling, pressing her breasts against his chest as she looked up at him, “But…it would be a shame if I told people that you assaulted me, right? It would be believable, right? The crazy Natsume Takashi hurts kind little Nina, the innocent girl who only wanted to be his friend.”_

_Natsume froze, feeling everything fall from his body. His stomach, his thoughts, his feelings all drained away to be absorbed by the soil beneath them. Natsume couldn’t breathe, as if snakes had constricted around his neck as she pressed her body closer into him, wrapping her arms around him to suck away his warmth._

_His uncle would care. His relatives would all know if she told those lies. Nobody would want him. He would be kicked out from his uncle’s house and nobody would take him._

_And even though he knew his relatives hated him, it was scarier to be left alone than it was to be hated._

_Nina let out another sickening giggle as she stepped on her toes to kiss him on the cheek, “Oh, don’t make that face, Takashi. You’re prettier when you smile…”_

“Natsume…are you alright?”

He jumped in his chair, travelling from one year ago to the present, where the view outside the window was different and the people around him weren’t poison. In front of him was Tanuma, sitting on the other side of his desk, his head resting on his hand. Natsume felt a shiver go down his spine, taking a long breath in until it filled his lungs before letting it out along with all the fears built into his memories. 

“S-Sorry…I was daydreaming,” Natsume lied, his face feeling hot as Tanuma looked at him with a disbelieving look. On the floor was the very scrap of paper Nina had given him that day. It had been lost in his school bag since then. He hoped it had gotten lost. He tried not to look at the scrap on the floor and instead plastered on a smile to show to Tanuma. He didn’t want to worry his friend. He didn’t want to worry Tanuma more than he already had in the past.

Tanuma looked at him hard, thought didn’t ask, “You’re daydreaming too much. Your class already let out. Nishimura tried to get your attention, but just sent me in instead.” He stood up, slinging a backpack over his shoulder and looked down at Natsume. 

“Oh! Really?” Natsume looked around the abandoned classroom and immediately stood up, stepping on Nina’s note as he followed Tanuma out through the abandoned school.

“I was a bit afraid it was a youkai problem, to be honest,” Tanuma admitted, looking back at Natsume, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yea. It wasn’t a youkai, Tanuma. You don’t have to worry,” Natsume answered. Tanuma answered with a light hum that echoed off the abandoned school halls. The only noise that resounded was from the closed classrooms where clubs were held. Natsume still wasn’t brave enough to join a club. He wasn’t sure he ever would unless his friends joined with him. Especially Tanuma. 

As they walked past the school gates and down the usual road, Tanuma spoke again, “Can we stop somewhere along the way?”

“Oh? Sure. Where?” Natsume spoke. Tanuma wasn’t looking at him, instead looking ahead.

“Uh…I’m not sure. Just…I want to talk to you,” Tanuma answered quietly.

Natsume felt fears slip in like snakes. He tried not to think about it. It was just the memories playing with his head.

He silently followed, trying not to walk away when Tanuma decided to slip into some woods beside the road. Natsume felt his heart beat fast when they arrived in a small clearing in the woods where a rotted stump was stationed on the outskirts of. He tried not to back away when Tanuma looked at him.

“What’s wrong? Is something nearby?” Tanuma asked, turning around as if he could see a youkai if it was there, “Should we go somewhere else?”

This was Tanuma. Nothing bad would happen.

“N-No, it’s fine. What did you want to talk about?” Natsume was trying not to look behind to make sure a tree wouldn’t block his way out. He didn’t want to be pinned against the tree again.

Tanuma looked at him hard before looking a little different. A little more awkward, nervous, hesitant. He was looking up, trying to hide the red in his face with a hand over his mouth. 

“W-Well…uh…” Tanuma began, looking out at Natsume with some fear, “Natsume…we’re friends, right? I just want to make sure that whatever happens, we stay friends, okay?”

“Of course,” Natsume’s answer was instant, secure, absolute.

“R-Right…” Tanuma lowered his hand from his mouth and took a step forward, “N-Natsume…we’ve been friends for a while, now. And it’s worrying a lot. Stressful, sometimes…but I care for you too. More than…friends should?” 

Tanuma took more steps forward, and Natsume forced himself to not back away, “I…like you. Not just as a friend.”

Natsume stared at Tanuma with wide eyes, immediately feeling the flush of heat on his own cheeks. His heart beat loud in his chest as he watched Tanuma approach, closing the distance. And he was worried. But…this was Tanuma. Tanuma wouldn’t hurt him. Tanuma was kind, always caring about him, and honestly he worried Natsume just as much as Natsume worried him.

As Tanuma looked down at him, another adjective crossed his mind. Handsome.

“Y-You haven’t said anything…” Tanuma spoke awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, “I-It’s okay if you don’t feel the same…I-I’m fine with being friends. I-I just…wanted to take a chance, okay?”

Natsume looked down, “I-It’s fine, Tanuma. If it’s alright…I-I might…feel the same…” He felt his face burn the moment the words fell from his lips.

Tanuma reached down to touch his chin and guide his face back up. Natsume couldn’t help but tense with the touch. For some reason he felt the tree behind his back again when it wasn’t there. Even when he liked Tanuma, even when Tanuma was kind unlike her, and even when he felt his body flutter instead of grow cold at the touch, he still felt that tree. He felt the tree as Tanuma lowered his head to press his lips against Natsume’s.

The kiss only lasted moments, much shorter than Natsume remembered.

Tanuma pulled away, laughing a little, “You know, you’re allowed to kiss back, Natsume.”

Natsume looked at Tanuma, confused. Nina had always yelled at him when he kissed back. 

A bitter smile formed on his face as he looked at Tanuma, feeling raw. It was time to reopen the wound, even if the tree wasn’t there anymore.

“That’s how I was told to kiss, Tanuma.”


End file.
